How to Support Someone with Social Anxiety

Half of my blog is dedicated to social media marketing. Social media is easy because it all happens online, behind a screen. I don't have to see the people I'm talking to. This is great because for most of my life I've dealt with social anxiety. Joining clubs, doing theater, and finding people I connected with and was comfortable around helped a lot. I'm not afraid of public speaking and do well acting on stage or giving a presentation in class. It's the one-on-one, face-to-face conversation that I have the most problem with, especially in big groups (and by "big" i mean more than one or two people besides myself).

I've never actually gotten any professional help or even done any research to help with my social anxiety. But I recently looked into how to help someone deal with this issue because I know that it can be difficult, frustrating, and annoying for people who don't have social anxiety to know how to help someone who does. This blog post is for those of you who want to support your socially anxious loved one but don't know how.

1) Patience is key

In all honesty, you will never truly understand what this person is going through, so it can be difficult to empathize. Especially if you're an outgoing, social person, you might not understand why your friend gets so uncomfortable at parties or tries to avoid certain social situations. Anxiety is basically a heightened form of our natural flight-fight-or-freeze mode. This means that in an anxiety-provoking situation, your friend's body is reacting to this party or large group of people like it's an animal about to attack. This is an autonomous response; your friend has no control over this reaction. Over time, with some help, he or she will be able to manage this and maybe even outgrow it, but don't push this person.

Being impatient will only make things worse. This is because at the root of social anxiety is a fear of rejection, which is another innate instinct that most animals have because of our need for others for survival. Please be patient.

2) A little encouragement goes a long way

There are different ways to offer encouragement to your loved one. One way is to encourage treatment. If your friend or family member isn't going to therapy or any form of counseling that could help him or her deal with this anxiety, gently encourage treatment. Don't force it, but let this person know that you will support them in getting treatment, especially because there's so much stigma surrounding mental health. Once in treatment, continue the support. Encourage him or her to continue going to therapy. Help with homework (therapists often give their patients homework). Ask if the therapist has any tips for you, and follow through with them.

Another way to encourage your loved one might not make the person too happy. I was honestly a bit shocked to see that multiple websites were telling readers not to enable their loved ones to avoid social situations. But it does make sense. They won't get better if they don't face their fears. So, feel free to encourage your socially anxious loved one to go out and socialize. Don't force it, but definitely encourage it. VeryWell says, "For example, if you have developed the habit of speaking on behalf of your sister while in social situations, gradually stop this behavior. If she becomes too anxious and wants to leave a social situation, negotiate with her to stay just a little bit longer."

3) Celebrate the little things

Socializing is very difficult and nerve-wracking for a person with social anxiety. He or she might spend hours afterward analyzing the interaction and finding fault in how the situation was handled. The best thing you can do is praise your loved one. Focus on the positives, not the negatives. If it took a half-hour for your friend to speak up in a group at a party you attended, praise her for valiant effort because every minute of that half-hour was spent agonizingly working up the courage to contribute to the conversation. If your brother begrudgingly agrees to go to the bar with you but only spends an hour there, thank him for coming out because it was a huge deal for him to even be in a crowded place without having a severe panic attack. You don't need to baby your loved one or patronize him or her; just show that you appreciate the effort and offer praise and positive encouragement.

4) Have an escape plan ready

This is a super important, practical thing you can do to support your loved one. Before going out, make sure to create an escape plan. This will make your loved one feel a lot more secure, and it offers a good point of compromise. It might also make you feel useful.

An escape plan is pretty simple. Plan ahead of time how long you two expect to be at the event. If you don't want to leave early, make sure your friend has a safe way to get home. Most importantly, you need to know what to do if your friend has a panic attack at the event. Maybe take him or her outside or to another room, or make an excuse to leave with your friend if you need to. It's very important not to leave a person alone during a panic attack.

5) Listen carefully

If your friend, family member, or significant other opens up to you about the social anxiety he or she is dealing with, listen without judgement. Listen to his or her fears and gently help the person work through them. Don't dismiss what your loved one is saying, and always be kind and empathetic.